I don't think people understand what its like to be sick for an extended amount of time. To be sick chronically.

I've been sick for over one and a half years now, just waiting for healing. The doctors said that it could take 5 years for my immune system to kick in and recognize it as a virus. It feels like its been so long and there is so much uncertainty. I'm so emotionally exhausted and so tired and just ready to be healed. The emotional tole that this is taking on me is almost worse than the physical.

But regardless of how much this sucks, I know that God has a reason for this happening. It's hard to live out and truly believe with my whole heart Romans 8:28, especially after experiencing this for so long with no relief. But I'm trusting in God. And I'm praying for healing like never before.

It is so hard not being in control. I guess thats why I've been running so much and so hard. Because I feel like I am in control in that moment even when the world around me is chaotic. Oh Jesus, please heal me. My heart is heavy and I'm anxious for rest.